Here a Love, There a Love, Everywhere a Love....

ENGLISH PREMIERSHIP - Brooke's Belters

by David Brooke

Here I am sitting at my computer shaking with sheer excitement, not because of the extra sugar spiked into my coffee this morning, but because those nights spent thinking about the likes of Ruud van Nistelrooy and Thierry Henry lighting up my weekend sport are now about to once again become reality. The commentator shouting 'Roooooney' in the only way Gary Bloom can screech. You have to love English soccer.

It's the start of the new season and it's the start of my predictions. If all goes array, this will be my last article but if things go my way, pundits from all over the world will be bombarding me with emails requesting my Premiership predictions.

Here's one of them.....

Birmingham vs Tottenham Hotspur

The combination of Spurs strikers Robbie Keane and Helder Postiga up front for Spurs is an exciting one (not as exciting as Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jennifer Aniston in one room, but nevertheless an exciting prospect). Birmingham showed last season that they have what it takes to stay in the Premiership. Spurs are ravaged by injuries and that could cost them in the first week.

My prediction: Birmingham 1-1 Tottenham Hotspur

Watch out for my apologies or gloating on Monday, when I either have to cover my tracks and deny ever saying those things, or gloat in my glory as a soccer pundit.

Contact Dave with your thoughts at davidb@metropolis.co.za  

Story: © 2003 iafrica.com, a division of PRIMEDIA. All Rights Reserved.

NARCISO RODRIGUEZ

They’ve got style, they've got grace, and he's the in-vogue reason no one is looking at their face. Given the choice, Sarah Jessica Parker, Charlize Theron, Roselyn Sanchez, Jennifer Connelly, and Jennifer Love Hewitt (one of those images over there.....) all want Narciso Rodriguez on their famous figures.

Only "Extra" was invited to the special party at the Beverly Hills Barney's store celebrating the quiet, unassuming designer behind Kelly Lynch, Rene Russo, and Elizabeth Banks' hottest dresses.

Supermodel Karolina Kurkova loves his designs so much that she made him her date for this year's Goddess Gala in New York City. But his biggest fan of all may be Salma Hayek, who is rarely seen out of Narciso’s designs. But he doesn’t seem to mind.

He says, "It’s a very exciting moment, someone like Salma is so beautiful."

And for "S.W.A.T." starlet Michelle Rodriquez, it's more than just a fashion statement. She says, "He’s got my last name. We stick together."

Story: © 2003 TTT West Coast Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Image: Copyright Control. All Rights Reserved.

A section from:

TOMB WITH A VIEW

Why it took eleven screenwriters, three years, two corporate titans, and one kickass actress to bring video-game siren Lara Croft to life.

by Christine Spines

The constellation of scabs and abrasions scattered across Angelina Jolie’s body is the only record of the pain. To play Lara Croft in the video game–turned–adventure film Tomb Raider, the 26-year-old endured injuries to her knee (she fell 20 feet off a climbing wall), her foot (she tore ligaments while jumping), and her shoulder (worn out after months of boxing). “She would faint from the pain and come back for another take without telling me,” says director Simon West (The General’s Daughter), who found out later that Jolie had often gone home bleeding from the movie’s “bungee ballet” sequences, which had her doing triple somersaults and climbing, Matrix-like, up and down walls. It was stunt coordinator Simon Crane (Titanic) who helped the actress persevere by giving her a simple mantra. “The key word I used to say to her on set was suffer,” he says. “ ‘Unfortunately, you’re suffering for your art.’ ”

Jolie was not alone among the casualties racked up during Tomb Raider’s survival-of-the-fittest journey to the screen. The entire production of this $100 million globetrotting action film mirrored the trap-laden terrain of the wildly successful interactive game on which it’s based. One director left as development dragged on; no fewer than 11 screenwriters struggled to satisfy the demands of both Paramount Pictures, the studio footing the bill, and Eidos Interactive, the company that owns the game; and there was even a sexual harassment suit filed. In fact, this was the rare Hollywood saga where the star was the most hassle-free piece of the puzzle. “I’d put Angelina under lifetime contract if I could,” raves veteran producer Lawrence Gordon (Die Hard). “She may be the only thing we didn’t have a problem with on this movie.”

Meanwhile, there was no shortage of actresses who understood how seldom a one-woman show like this comes along. Although all involved insist that Jolie was their first and only real choice to play Lara, contingency plans were tossed around in case Jolie wasn’t interested. Catherine Zeta-Jones was a serious consideration early on. And Elizabeth Hurley, Sandra Bullock, Denise Richards, Ashley Judd, and Jennifer Love Hewitt were all mentioned during the development process. De Souza remembers Hewitt’s conviction that she was destined to don Lara’s short shorts onscreen. Apparently, Hewitt had gone to a record store that was having a Tomb Raider convention and was mistaken for a Croft look-alike who was supposed to sign posters. “She was definitely looking to play the part,” De Souza says, “and it was discussed.”  

Story: © 2003 Hachette Filipacchi Media U.S., Inc.

From The Modesto Bee - August 8, 2003

By Marijke Rowland

By all accounts, Jeremy Renner is a good guy.

Just not on screen.

The Modesto native appears this weekend in the big-budget summer movie "S.W.A.T." It also stars Hollywood "It Boy" Colin Farrell and Oscar-nominated actor Samuel L. Jackson.

"He plays a bad guy a lot," said Renner's sister Kym Fries, who lives in Modesto. "He likes to play darker characters because they have more depth to them. So we're used to it."

Of course, real bad guys don't escort their mom down the red carpet to their first big movie premiere. Most of Renner's immediate family, who all still live in the Modesto area, attended the premiere with him last week. It was a little bit of home for the actor, who recently has seen his career move into overdrive.

"I wanted (my family) to do the whole red-carpet thing. They've been nothing but supportive through my difficulties," Renner said in a recent phone interview. "I love my hometown. But it's just long enough of a drive that I can't go that much."

Since moving to L.A. in 1993, Renner has been working steadily. His first film role came in the 1995 film "National Lampoon's Senior Trip."

He also has landed several guest spots on TV shows from "CSI" (playing a killer) to "Angel" (playing a killer vampire) and the short-lived Jennifer Love Hewitt series "Time of Your Life" (not playing a killer, just a jailbird).

But it was his skin-crawling portrayal of Jeffrey Dahmer -- a man who killed and cannibalized 17 men -- that got Renner his first industry attention, critical acclaim and an Independent Spirit Award nomination for best actor.

"('Dahmer') was extremely difficult in every way," Renner said. "It was tortuous and tragic and wonderful and I'd do it all over again."

With "S.W.A.T." the actor moves into another echelon of filmmaking. Already seasoned in independent film, Renner said acting in a major studio release was like entering another world.

"It's interesting how much money is spent every day," he said. "The entire budget of 'Dahmer' was one day on 'S.W.A.T.' In 'Dahmer,' craft service was the 7-Eleven. In 'S.W.A.T.' we were eating filets and egg whites. It comes down to luxury, really."

To prepare for his role, Renner worked out seven-days a week and followed a strict high-protein diet. The entire cast -- which also includes Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J and Olivier Martinez -- then spent 10 days in intensive SWAT training. The actors were taught weaponry and shot live rounds. Renner said he handled everything from an M4 assault rifle to a 50-caliber sniper rifle with "bullets as big as magic markers."

But physical training wasn't all that was required. To build on-screen chemistry with Farrell -- whose character, Jim Street, is best friends with Renner's -- the two men hung out before shooting started.

"We didn't have to work at it," Renner said of his friendship with Farrell. "We were like Mutt and Jeff from the get go. We'd go out and drink and have a good time. At any given night, we could end up in a Mexican prison."

Renner, a nightcrawler by nature, said he was with Farrell on the infamous evening that tabloid reports linked the Irish actor with pop princess Britney Spears.

"There is lots of great stuff to tell," Renner said, while not telling much. "Some really, really trippy stuff."

Renner said he and Farrell are still friends and are like "blood brothers." Farrell called Renner a "great actor" on his recent "Tonight Show" appearance.

It is a different world from where Renner started. His sister called him a "quiet guy" in high school. It wasn't until he was taking classes at Modesto Junior College, bouncing between majors, that Renner first tried acting.

In the short time that he was there, Renner managed to make a big impression on the school's drama department.

"I knew right away he would make it," said MJC drama instructor Michael Lynch. "He is good looking and he has star quality all over him. There are very few students you can say that about."

Lynch cast Renner in his play, "Sister Gloria's Pentecostal Baby." Lynch had staged the production, which he wrote and directed, in New York and San Francisco. He said Renner's performance as lead character Jimmy was the best he had ever seen.

"He just took the lines and just made them his own," Lynch said. "He added stuff I had never thought of as the playwright and director."

Renner said the stage was where he first found himself. It was almost therapeutic.

"After 19 years of emotional repression, I found the stage was a playground for me," he said. "It's a way to safely feel these emotions. To not feel like I'm a weirdo as a young man in a small town."

Renner tore through MJC productions from "Orphans" and "Ordinary People" to "The Wizard of Oz." After about a year, he went to San Francisco's American Conservatory Theater. He then made the move to L.A.

When he arrived, Renner was lucky to land an agent right away. He gradually started getting parts and fumbled his way through the business until his breakthrough role in "Dahmer."

"It boosted my confidence as an actor to trust my instincts," he said. "It gave me the confidence that I do know what I'm doing."

Next up for Renner is another independent movie; this time, he plays a neo-Nazi who falls in love with a black woman. His co-star is Gabrielle Union, currently starring in "Bad Boys II."

The actor said he hopes to strike a balance between doing small films and studio movies. But acting isn't his only artistic outlet.

Before he ever walked on a stage, Renner was playing music. He started with drums at age 15, then guitar when he was 20.

Once he arrived in L.A., he met other musicians at karaoke bars and formed the band Sons of Ben. The four-piece group -- which includes Tonic lead guitarist Jeff Russo -- plays largely acoustic, melodic rock.

"We started hanging out in each other's living rooms," Renner said. "So we said, 'Why don't we do this out?' People have really responded to the music."

The band plays L.A. clubs about twice a month. But Renner said he has no intension of quitting his day job for music.

For all his hard work and luck in the industry, Renner said he doesn't recommend that others haphazardly follow his path. His advice to a cousin now going to college in L.A. was simple.

"I said, 'Dude, go get your law degree,'" Renner said. "Only do this if nothing else will make you smile ear to ear. You have to commit to it. You eat Top Ramen and read by candlelight because the power is shut off.

"But it's wonderful. I enjoy it so much."

Story: © 2003 The Modesto Bee. All Rights Reserved.
Image: Jeremy Renner. All Rights Reserved.

From The Houston Business Journal - August 5, 2003

CHARM SCHOOL

by Allison Wollam

Swasko Jewels rolled out its WineJewels product too early; now the accessory company is coming out with its HipIce swinging.

If Carolyn Skonberg had played her cards right, she might be retired right now. Instead, she watched one of her biggest competitors make millions and go on to live the good life.

Skonberg, owner of Houston-based Swasko Jewels, came up with an idea for WineJewels as a way for guests to distinguish between their wine glasses at her monthly bridge club meetings.

Skonberg created jewel-decorated sterling silver clasps -- each one with a different design -- to accomplish the task. She immediately took her product to market in Dallas after receiving a positive response from neighbors and friends.

Her invention was an immediate hit: Within months, 90 stores in five Southeast states carried WineJewels.

Swasko Jewels brought in $31,000 in gross revenue with WineJewels in 2000. In 2001, gross revenue was $36,000.

But then, the competition began; and Skonberg quickly realized that she had made an error in judgment.

"Our biggest mistake was taking it to market too early," she says of her WineJewels product. "Other people were able to see it and undercut us, and we had no protection in place."

Skonberg says the WineJewels were dumped from most of the 90 stores after a couple of years because her competitors were able to have the same type of product produced overseas and sell them much cheaper.

Skonberg says she recently ran into one of her biggest competitors in the wine jewel market who made millions by mass producing wine jewelry. She says he gave her the best business advice she's ever received.

"He told me that if I ever have a big idea again to take it to New York and let it trickle down," Skonberg says. "He also said to get a marketing firm and a publicist immediately to assist in launching the product nationwide."

Skonberg is applying the tough lessons she learned through her wine jewel experience to launch her newest product, a line of beaded and crystal belts called HipIce, The Jewelry for Jeans.

Skonberg immediately had her product protected by an intellectual property attorney and also hired a publicist to help launch the product.

In early May, HipIce was officially launched at Accessories The Show Fall 2003 in New York City, which is one of the largest accessories shows of its kind.

Since then, Skonberg has increased her market share to 21 stores in six states. She says most shipments of HipIce sell out within a day or two in stores.

Locally, HipIce is sold at Paula Fridkin Designs in both Rice Village and River Oaks, Merle Norman and More, BB1 Classic and Salons of Champions.

Skonberg, who launched HipIce in Houston in February, employs about 20 contract workers, depending on demand for orders.

Sales started at around $500 per month and quickly increased to $3,000 per month. Revenue continues to rise, and the product is now sold in more than 40 stores in 10 states, according to Skonberg.

False start

Like many entrepreneurs, Skonberg started her business with an idea and then went back and attempted to formalize a business plan, all without any past business experience.

"I thought that if I had a Web site, people would find me and I'd have 100 orders a week," she says. "I didn't know that I had to hire a company to put my company on search engines. I started from not knowing a thing."

Skonberg says the biggest challenge she's faced so far is getting her concept out into the public eye and getting it accepted.

Indeed, Kim France, editor-in-chief of Lucky Magazine, says the accessories industry is especially competitive, with both national brands and independent designers vying for the public's attention.

"National companies have a flood of money for advertising, but the smaller designers also have great ideas to get out to the public," says France. "There's a great clamor for celebrities to be seen wearing a product."

To that end, Skonberg recently sent free samples of HipIce to performers such as singer Kelly Roland of Destiny's Child, singer LeAnn Rimes, actress/singer Jennifer Love Hewitt and actress Hilary Duff. Although none of these celebrities have worn HipIce in public, Skonberg is in the process of following up with their publicists to gauge their interest in her product.

Despite the freebies, Skonberg says she is a stickler when it comes to her operating budget.

The Home Shopping Network recently contacted Skonberg to gauge her interest in appearing on the show and marketing HipIce to a national audience. But in order to appear on the show, Skonberg must first buy air time for the hefty price of $19,000.

The network also required a large amount of inventory, and Skonberg doesn't have the manpower to mass produce the product.

"I'm not there yet," she says. "I'm not ready to take that plunge for just four minutes of air time. You can gamble, but you have to carefully study which gambles you're ready to take."

Skonberg advises other budding entrepreneurs to research their business as much as possible before investing capital.

"Put money aside for unexpected obstacles," says Skonberg. "Things happen on a daily basis that I didn't anticipate. I'm learning every day."

Skonberg says she's built her business by creating a network of friends, family, and even her hairdresser to help get the word out about HipIce.

And a tight network it is.

Skonberg's beaders work at the neighborhood hair salon, her husband is her financier, her stockbroker gives her apparel buying tips, her nephew designs her Web site, her tennis partner does her printing and her sons' baby-sitter is one of her signature teen models.

"I've saved so much money by utilizing the talents of family and friends," Skonberg says. "You can't be afraid to ask people for help in order to grow your business and succeed."

Skonberg recently hired her first local sales representative. And after her two sons return to school in the fall, she's planning to hit the road in Houston to market her product to as many boutiques as possible. She's also planning to attend trade shows in Los Angeles and Atlanta to create some buzz about HipIce.

Looking ahead, Skonberg hopes to have her product featured in a national fashion magazine and to have a famous celebrity be spotted with HipIce draped around her hips.

"I'm branding myself right now to be a national name," Skonberg says. "It may take five years, but I'm on my way."

Story: © 2003 The Houston Business Journal. All Rights Reserved.

From St@tic of The Courier-Post (New Jersey) - August 5, 2003  

BRYANT SEX CHARGES NOT TOO SURPRISING

by Jason Weiss

Why are we so surprised about Kobe Bryant's alleged sexual assault of a 19-year-old hotel worker?

Michael Jordan paid a former mistress thousands of dollars to remain mum about their relationship, ESPN.com reported earlier this year.

Damon Stoudamire became just another one of the Portland "Jailblazers" to get arrested for marijuana, according to the same Web site.

Hoopshype.com published a report that on July 13 Jerry Stackhouse was accused of assaulting a real estate agent over a beach house.

Before I go any further let me just tell you that I think Kobe Bryant is guilty, of something. Of third count sexual assault, probably not.

I think that what started as consensual probably ended up not being so consensual.

Bryant was probably under the assumption that this girl was just like any other groupie. He claims this is not something that happens frequently. Unfortunately I believe that also is probably not true. People seem to be overlooking that getting a groupie for an NBA player is like taking candy from a baby.

Another thing that people seem to be overlooking was portrayed perfectly by Sports Illustrated last week. SI pointed out that Bryant is seemingly fake to the public. An anonymous representative of his agent Arn Tellem admitted that Kobe is anything but nice when the lights aren't on him.

Is it so hard to believe that Kobe is not how he appeared on television? Have we not seen this before in people like Pee Wee Herman and baseball Hall of Famer Kirby Puckett?

While I concede that I think Kobe is guilty of something, I think there is no way the trial should take place in the small town in Colorado where the alleged incident took place. I'm sure every single person in the entire town already has voiced his opinion on the issue.

It is impossible to turn on a news channel and not see a new face hugging the limelight in the Kobe Bryant issue.

It makes me almost as nauseous as Jack Nicholson's passion scenes or a WNBA game.

New York Newsday has reported that the district attorney filing the charges, Mark Hurlbert, has received several death threats since his widely viewed press conference. This coming on the same day that the Washington Post reported that Colorado had been stiffening its sexual assault laws over the past five years.

The state is now being considered a forerunner for harsh punishment. So let's leave this up to a man, defending his own life possibly, who is trying to get a harsh penalty from a jury composed of people from a 99.9 percent white town. Yeah sounds like a good idea, almost as good as "Shock and Awe."

Bryant's accuser is only a year older than I am and tried out for American Idol last year.

The Rocky Mountain News has reported she left a house party "in tears" after some guys made some comments to her in jest. Come on now, how could she not expect that? Give me a break, if she is going to go to a party it is open season.

Would she have preferred everyone point and stared? Maybe she wanted an entrance like Jennifer Love Hewitt had in Can't Hardly Wait.

Anyway, what can be learned from this mess that is no doubt going to get very, very ugly in the ensuing weeks?

How about that it has come time that we no longer look at athletes as role models but as entertainers?

I am not saying that there aren't some athletes, like David Robinson, who are worthy of admiration.

I am just saying that if we truly viewed them as entertainers, the falls from glory would not have to be so far.

Really the choice is sitting inside each and every one of us. As Teddy KGB said in Rounders, "It hurts doesn't it? Your hopes dashed, your dreams down the toilet. And your fate is sitting right beside you." Wonder if that's how Kobe Bryant feels.

Jason Weiss is a 2003 graduate of Cherry Hill High School East. E-mail Static at Static@courierpostonline.com

Story: © 2003 Courier-Post - a Gannett Co. Inc., parent company of USA Today. All Rights Reserved. 

From The Sacramento Bee - August 2, 2003

COLOR ME SPARKLY:
CELEBRITIES TAKE A SHINE TO TINTED DIAMONDS

By Alison apRoberts

You've admitted publicly to adultery, and you have been charged with sexual assault, which you deny.

What to do to make it all better at home?

If you're an NBA superstar like Kobe Bryant, you might turn to a rock should you find yourself in such a hard place. And not just any rock, but one of those colored diamonds that all the other celebrities have taken such a shine to.

Just days after Bryant was charged, the Los Angeles Laker gave his wife, Vanessa, an 8-carat purple diamond ring that reportedly cost $4 million.

Other stars who have given diamonds with a hue, include Ben Affleck, who wrapped up a white-and-yellow diamond bracelet as a birthday present for Jennifer Lopez last year. He followed that up with a 6.1-carat pink-diamond engagement ring.

Halle Berry wore an orange diamond ring (owned by Harry Winston Inc. and worth about $3 million) when she received an Oscar for "Monster's Ball."

This year at the Oscars, there were many more colored gems, including diamonds (again from Winston). Among them: Calista Flockhart's pink-and-white diamond earrings and necklace, and Jennifer Love Hewitt's yellow, green and orange diamond cluster ring.

The movie "Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde" includes a flashy role for Elle Woods' pink engagement ring. It may look like a diamond, but according to InStyle magazine, it is actually an H. Stern pink-sapphire ring, available for the comparative bargain price of $34,000. (It's hard to believe Elle would stoop to something so affordable.)

Perhaps 1997's movie "Titanic," with its starring role for a blue diamond called the Heart of the Ocean, kicked off the current interest in colored gems. Actress Gloria Stuart wore a 15-carat, $20 million Winston blue-diamond pendant to the Academy Awards in 1998 that looked like the piece she wore in the movie (the film stand-in was semiprecious tanzanite).

Where Hollywood goes, the rest of us soon follow, and demand for colored diamonds is showing up everywhere.

"They've always been available, but it is trending now," says Bo Grebitus of Grebitus & Sons Jewelers, a Sacramento institution that opened in 1926. "We're doing quite a bit on colored diamonds now, and we're finding interest in the lavenders and the yellows and the pinks."

Colored diamonds are far more rare than the usual clear, pure-carbon variety.

"If you were to have a thousand diamonds from a mine, probably just a very few of them would be colored," says James Shigley, director of research for the Gemological Institute of America. The standard cited occurrence is one colored diamond for every 10,000 gems.

You may not be able to afford a colored diamond, but you can get a glimpse at an exhibit of seven rare diamonds, six of them colored, that is up for viewing (and drooling) through Sept. 15 at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C.

Celebrity Jenna Elfman looked perfectly happy -- radiant, even -- wearing a 59.6-carat Steinmetz Pink diamond (the largest vivid pink diamond known) at a news conference announcing the exhibit's opening. She didn't get to take the rock home, as it was part of the display that includes the orange diamond Berry wore to the Oscars, along with diamonds of blue-green, red and yellow. You can check them out online at www.mnh.si.edu. While you're there, you might want to also look at the dark-blue Hope Diamond, which is in the museum's holdings, too. (Of course, that trinket didn't always bring good luck to its owners, such as Marie Antoinette, who lost her head.)

Color can be induced unnaturally -- by electron bombardment in a cyclotron or by irradiation -- but natural colors are usually caused by impurities trapped in the diamond as it forms under extreme heat and pressure far beneath the Earth's surface.

Throw in nitrogen, and you may get yellow diamonds, the most common color to occur. Boron can create a blue gem. Radioactivity can cause green.

Pink and purple diamonds, Shigley says, are not caused by such impurities, but from misalignments in the carbon at the atomic level.

It's not the atomic structure but the gesture behind Vanessa Bryant's new purple ring that makes it stand out. It sparkles more like an apology than a love token, inspiring commentators to bemoan the fact that Kobe Bryant has set the "I'm sorry, honey" bar too high for the regular philanderer. Those old "Please forgive me" flowers or Hallmark cards (no, there is no infidelity line just yet) won't do anymore.

The bad jokes and speculation continue, but there's no telling yet if this ice will melt a wifely heart forever, or if it is just a short-term game of "ring around the poses" to prepare Vanessa for the role of forgiving wife, standing by her man and holding his hand, as she did during his press conference of confession and denial on July 18.

That's when Bryant, 24, admitted to having a sexual encounter in late June with a 19-year-old woman working in a hotel where he was staying in Colorado. He insists it was consensual and not the assault he has been charged with. A court hearing is scheduled for Wednesday.

Bryant's wife, who is 21, reportedly went with her husband and the couple's 6-month-old daughter to pick up the ring from Rafinity, a Santa Monica store whose clientele includes Celine Dion and Gwen Stefani.

Rafi, the owner of the store, confirmed the sale to the Los Angeles Times, but would offer no further comment. Such reticence is in keeping with the code of the jeweler.

"Fine jewelers are always service-oriented and close-mouthed," Grebitus explains. "There's jewelry given for all sorts of reasons.

"I think it's a little unfortunate that press is given to this," he adds. "I think Kobe needs to do a little personal time with his wife rather than shower her with gifts."

Story: © 2003 The Sacramento Bee. All Rights Reserved.

CUTE, YES, BUT THEY'LL STILL TICKET YOUR CAR

by Brad Eihinny

As we rolled down the streets of the city, enforcing the law, I couldn't help but think: It's amazing how much power you feel inside an electric-powered L'eggs pantyhose container on wheels.

Have you violated local parking ordinances? I could give you a ticket! I could shake my fist at you. I could totally intimidate you from inside my orb-shaped parking cart. Back up off the road, punk.

Of course, I didn't actually have any power, except for the surge I felt. Realistically, I was only a semi-deputized passenger. But still, I was inside one of the city's new, eggy parking vehicles, and it felt good.

I've been eyeing those buggies ever since they hit the streets a few weeks ago. I think they're totally adorable. I mean, umm . . . butt-kicking . . . in a Jennifer Love Hewitt kind of way.

So, members of the city's parking department told me they could take me for a ride. I hopped into a buggy with meter patrol supervisor Dave Riebe and off we zipped in our elliptically shaped enforcement vehicle.

Strike up the theme song: "Bad boys, bad boys, wherever you are, we're coming to get you in our egg-shaped car. Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when we scramble you?"

"Nineteen, 20, 21," Riebe said, ticking off the miles per hour when we roared out of the parking garage beside City Hall. With the pedal to the floor, these babies can do up to 30 mph. The initial surge forward sounds like a NASA takeoff.

We cruised up and down Summers and Capitol streets, looking for potential violators. We spotted one guy hurriedly moving his car out of a loading zone. Lame-o. Then we found an expired meter. We started to write a ticket when we realized we had . . . uh . . . left the pad in the office.

Well, we just rolled around, enjoying our power. At least I did. I tried to leer at people and look menacing. There was a high degree of difficulty, especially since some people had doubled over with laughter.

The carts themselves are pretty neat. They run entirely on electricity, and they have six batteries. The city has four of them, which rotate because at least one always has to be charging. When enforcement officers finish their shifts, they have to plug in their carts.

We finished our patrol and cruised back into the garage to park. It was a pretty satisfying experience, and it took me a while to come down from the power surge. Just remember, those eggs are out there patrolling the city, so watch how you park.

Story: © 2003 The Charleston Daily Mail. All Rights Reserved.