My Past Loves - July 2007

From Scotsman UK - July 31, 2007

WHAT I KNOW ABOUT WOMEN

Singer Craig McMurdo is 43 and lives in Edinburgh. He is currently single.

I'M A boy, so of course my mother is a very important woman in my life, but given my age I'd like to hope that the apron strings have been cut by now! Both my mother and my father have been great inspirations to me. My mum is a go-getter, very adventurous, and she has taught me to be the same way. She is very artistic and creative, and she always encouraged me to be a dreamer and a romantic.

At the same time, the things I've learned about women haven't really come from my mum, and like most men I have absolutely no understanding of women whatsoever. Having said that, I've always been a hopeless romantic, and my life has always been completely motivated by women.

There was a time when I truly believed the old Hollywood fairytale that there is only one girl out there for me, but I don't believe that any more. I've met some incredible women who have changed my life and helped me to be a better person. And when they pass you on to the next one, your edges have been smoothed off that little bit more!

I'm lucky enough to have experienced true love, but of course I stuffed that one up royally. I believe there are lots of different types of love, and one of the best kinds is with someone you never speak to, or maybe only know for five minutes. Because I spend so much time on planes and trains, I often catch someone's eye and wonder what could be. I definitely believe in love at first sight.

I'm quite enjoying being single because, to be honest, I'm not very good at relationships. I'm such a workaholic that I can't give enough time to a relationship, and I've never really got over that 'career comes first' thing. I've got lots of female friends, though, and I love their company just as much as that of my male friends.

It's the hardest thing in the world for a man to approach a woman. You take your life in your hands: I hope women appreciate how much of an ordeal it is for us.

I've always said I have no ideal woman. She can be any size or shape, but I can be floored by a nice smile. Although if Jennifer Love-Hewitt walked in right now and asked me to marry her, I'd probably say yes.

I'm not always a fan of confrontation, but I do enjoy a good argument with a woman. I like a feisty woman who is up for a bicker. And I wonder why I'm single!

I guess you could say I'm in touch with my feminine side. I'm a manicure-and-sunbeds man, although I don't think that's anything to be ashamed of.

I do wish I could be a woman for the day. I'd figure out what's going on in their heads, as well as the more 'technical' stuff, then go back to being a man and use my powers for good. Knowing what a woman really wants would be the ultimate superpower!

From The Glasgow Daily Times (Glasgow, Kentucky) - July 15, 2007

SENSELESS STUDY RUFFLES TAIL FEATHERS

by Todd Garvin
Glasgow Daily Times

Because of the need to be on top of the news, the TV in my office is always tuned to CNN.

Unless, of course, there’s a good golf tournament on, but I digress.

This week, however, the respected news giant aired yet another story that makes one ponder whether they would be better off watching reruns of “Green Acres” on TV Land.

After an exhaustive study, researchers at UCLA revealed that women were drawn to muscular men when looking for a partner.

No way!

You mean to tell me that women would prefer someone sporting a six-pack — and that means rock-hard abdominal muscles, not beer — than someone who looks like Santa Claus after a trip through the Pizza Hut buffet?

Wait, there’s more.

The researchers’ study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, suggests muscles in men are akin to elaborate tail feathers in male peacocks: They attract females looking for a virile mate.

So that’s why every girl that I’ve dated has made comments about butts — they’re just naturally attracted to where the feathers should be.

As funny as this story is, it’s also quite a sad state of affairs that taxpayers’ money — even the odd California taxpayers — is being used to conduct studies on women’s attractions.

Perhaps in California, that’s more important than curing cancer, finding alternative energy or even trying to find a logical explanation for why they print “not for internal use” on the back of Preparation H tubes.

Granted, not all researchers can focus on the most pressing ailments of society, but this was a complete waste of time for any researcher who doesn’t have “Cosmopolitan” or “FHM” somewhere on their business card.

Such a study could have been conducted by one person — me.

Over the years as my six-pack began to resemble more of a tractor-trailer hauling two-liters, the number of interested women faded faster than a dead possum at a buzzard convention.

Face it ladies, there are quite a few of you who believe that “if it’s shaking, it ain’t worth taking.”

Men are the same, if not worse. All one has to do is walk through a mall and watch men’s heads turn so quickly it resembles a tennis match as a beautiful woman passes.

That’s just my opinion, because to my knowledge there hasn’t been such a scientific study of why men are attracted to women like Jennifer Love Hewitt rather than Rosie O’Donnell — unless you count the astronomical sale of “Playboy” as scientific proof.

Study author David Frederick of UCLA said prior studies concluded that a man’s desirability was influenced more by his earning potential and commitment.

Who’s right?

Should a man yearning to find a woman rush off to the YMCA and bulk up to Schwarzenegger-esque proportions or walk around with a $100 bill around his neck with the words “I do” on it in big, bold letters?

Aren’t these questions that every man needs to know?

Of course, not. At least not to the point of dedicating university research dollars.

If studies or programs such as these are why students spend their lives paying off college loans because of the high cost of tuition, perhaps it’s time to cut some programs and make higher education more affordable for all.

Study on that while I run out to find some peacock feathers to tape to my behind ... just in case.